Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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