No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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