My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
