Jerry, you need to find god
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
