Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
