Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk is not a location!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
