so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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