she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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