how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
