hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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