it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
