i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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