We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
