She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
