I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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