Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You were trust falling into bushes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
PANTIES FOUND
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
