I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
