There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
