Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
