I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
