Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
