Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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