First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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