I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
