??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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