hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
