brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize