My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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