What a fucking waste of an outfit
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
