I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
