I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
