I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
