Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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