Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
