once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
