just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
