he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
