just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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