why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My vagina is very pro this idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
