oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
