R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
