ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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