Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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