You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You don't make any sense
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