i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
