You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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