my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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