in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
