Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
