Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
