Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
