Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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