eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
