so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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