Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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