Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love you. Go after that dick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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