then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
