He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
