"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
