How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
