also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
