It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
