Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
