You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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