I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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