She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
