Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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