so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
