there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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