she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have post one night stand depression
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