Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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